Jab Tak Thi Jaan

Jab Tak Hain Jaan is a story of some of the most stupid characters you have seen till date. Check this out -

A Punjabi NRI girl who bargains with Sir Jesus for every damn thing in life, ultimately bargaining for the life of someone she apparently loves immensely (while engaged to someone else, but we'll forgive her for that) in return for not loving him again ever (or as it seemed from later parts, not to sleep with him, coz you know, that's what true love is all about - sex). Dont even get me started on the lack of bottoms in her wardrobe - apparently someone told her women dont need to wear anything below the upper thighs, for that part is made of pure plastic. Incidentally, that is the same material as her face.

A wannabe, yuppie modern 21 year old missy, who makes out and breaks up with guys at will and considers that one of the achievements to list on her resume along with being a topper in every subject, being a champ at every sport, not to mention a National Level swimmer and deep-sea diver who doesnt realize the water in Ladakh lakes is cold before she dives into one for a bet as measly as her budget for clothes and almost drowns in it before being rescued by a brooding armyman who waits till she chokes under the water before pulling her out. Some National swimmer she is!

And finally, we have the hero of the movie, the kind of guy you feel bad for because he is saddled with dumb and dumber as the choices for his mate in bed. Why am I being crass, you ask? Coz that's what he wants most of the time - to do the dirty. Dont blame him though, for the plastic looks really good and National champ has a penchant for chaddis shorter than a purse and tops that will make a tank-top look like a burkha. Any man who can remember what that means will fall for that.

Which brings us to the worst enemy of the movie - the plot. The plot is so skimpy, it competes with Katrina's skirt and Anushka's IQ for brevity. Its something even Sherlyn Chopra would be wary of wearing. Or maybe not. The story is ridiculous to say the least and borrows liberally from children's stories - for instance that part about keeping your promise with God. It also makes a mockery of the Indian Army and the noble profession of bomb diffusion. The innumerable plotholes are not even worth getting into. The music looks bad on-screen, the hammy cameos by Rishi Kapoor and Neetu Singh are embarassing and saddled with unbelievable logic. The background score is remarkable and keeps you awake through the 3.5 hrs. The cinematography is breathtaking and gives the film a fresh and majestic look - something the film is quick to counter through trite dialogue and cring-worthy scenes. Katrina is a mix of John Abraham and Neil Nitin Mukesh. Anushka is a mix of Preity Zinta on coke and Zayed Khan not on coke. SRK is okay as the 25 year old Londoner (although he cant pull it off that well anymore due to age) and really good as the armyman. It was good to see him not resort to buffoonery after years! Sadly, he is screwed over by a terribly written film. The saving grace is the last song showing Yashji directing the movie. It is a delight to watch. Unfortunate that he didnt sign-off his directorial career with the evergreen and entertaining Dil To Pagal Hai. Jab Tak Hain Jaan takes whatever life was left in viewers after watching ignominies like Ra.One, Mausam and Bol Bacchan and dunks it into the freezing Leh waters. And there's no brooding armyman waiting to resuscitate you back to life.

Con-Test

The Band Baaja Baaraat team is back this December and although Ladies vs Ricky Bahl is no patch on the super-entertainer from last year, its a pretty decent one-time watch. Generously borrowing its plot from Marathi play To Mee Navech, Hollywood turkey John Tucker Must Die, Jeffrey Archer's book Not A Penny More, Not A Penny Less and YRF's very own Bachna Ae Haseenon and Bunty Aur Babli, Ladies vs Ricky Bahl manages to hold its own for more than 2 hours without inciting a yawn from you and that in itself is no mean feat!

The story is quite predictable, but the cons, although not totally believable, are well-written and engaging. The first half is a breeze except for the songs which stick out like a sore thumb. The second half is bumpy but not too stretched, and since there's an agenda all through the movie, time passes by pretty quick. The dialogues are quite good and the screenplay, although hardly believable, is taut and doesnt even pretend to make sense, and that works in its favor. The acting is okay-okay. Ranveer Singh does decently but cannot recreate the Bittoo magic. Anushka Sharma looks emaciated and pretty much indifferent in her role. Dipannita Sharma is monotonous while Aditi Sharma fits her part perfectly. Parineeti Chopra is the life of the movie and steals the show completely! She is amazing as the Delhi girl and brings the house down every time she speaks. Here's one actress with some sense of comic timing and hope she gets more roles to showcase her talent. The music is a huge disappointment - barring Jigar Da Tukda to an extent, all other songs fail - on the eyes as well as the ears. The climax is a cop-out and the conventional treatment could have been avoided. But in spite of all its drawbacks, the movie is a fun ride. If not for anything else, do check it out for the new kid on the block - Parineeti Chopra! She maybe Priyanka Chopra's cousin, but she has the capacity to leave her more celebrated cousin behind with her spunk and non-fake attitude!

Dum Dum Dum Mast Hai!

Band Baaja Baaraat...the name doesnt do much justice to the film, in spite of the obvious reference to weddings. At most, it makes it sound like a tacky, over-the-top rendition of a wedding related tale. Thankfully, BBB is anything but that! And are we thankful to YRF for making an enjoyable film devoid of the Swiss Alps and sucky cliches! Hell yeah, we are! Because its been a while since I enjoyed a Hindi movie (Aakrosh was the last I liked, and that was 2 months back).

BBB, a tale of two wedding planners and their partnership, has a brisk narrative and an interesting story at heart. Predictable, yes, but there are enough interesting twists to keep you hooked. The dialogues by Habib Faisal are simple and interesting enough to keep the goings-on fun. Music by Salim-Sulaiman is really good, ranging from lilting tunes to foot-tapping numbers. Ainvehi and Dum Dum are the picks of the lot mainly due to energetic picturization. But what lifts this movie above the average are the performances of the leads as well as character actors and the direction by debutant Maneesh Sharma. Sharma avoids most cliches and although a couple of convenient plotholes escape his notice, we are willing to let that go as long as the movie is engaging. The character artists avoid caricatures and paint realistic yet non-boring characters, which adds to the fun quotient. Debutant Ranveer Singh pitches in a near-perfect performance as as the wannabe Bittoo. He is no Aamir Khan in acting chops, nor does he charm like a Shahid Kapoor but his sincerity can give some of the potential stars-in-the-making a run for their money! Anushka Sharma is a revelation, showing she possesses decent acting skills and carrying a lot of the film on her shoulders. Her looks are hardly conventional and yet she manages to look really good and perform really well. After a so-so performance in Rab Ne Bana Di BS and a half-baked role in the decent Badmaash Company,we are definitely impressed Miss Sharma!

BBB brings the fun back in watching movies, reminding you of an era when not all movies were magnum opuses, not all movies were touted to be the next big thing, not all movies were about more glitz and less script, not all movies were about more slapstick and less simple humor. This one deserves to be paid for and watched, for its an honest effort that delivers more than it promises and ensures you walk out of that cinema hall happy and satisfied. :)

Badmaash Soundtrack!

I usually dont do music reviews...bcz music is something that you cannot judge in 1-2-3-..-10 hearings...sometimes it takes a mere 15 second prelude to a song to decide whether ur gonna love it for the rest of ur life, sometimes even 100 loops arent enough...

Wait! I am not breaking my aforementioned unwritten rule bcz I found a kick-ass album! Just that its been a while since I heard some good music and I figured I havent raved about inane, senseless songs with foot-tapping beats and delicious melodies in a while....Doesnt hurt to do that occasionally, right? ;)

Badmaash Company looks like a rehash of Bunty Aur Babli, and while that makes me wanna puke, the soundtrack by Pritam sure is a guilty pleasure!

Ayashi, with its guitar-riffin' start and the 'beparwah' rendition by KK(after loong!) is just brimming with enthusiasm and chutzpah! Reruns galore and you still cant get the tune out of your head...

Chaska, sung earthily by Krishna, is refreshingly different, with its laidback mood and irrefutable reverence to a "high"er power. Brings back memories of "Dum Laga" from Dil Dosti Etc. Addictive!

Jingle Jingle is awesome with Mohit's unique rendition, the super-fun lyrics and the brilliant music! But for the ridiculous "Jingle Jingle" chorus which sucks to the bone, this could have been an anthem for keeps! Still a whole lot of fun, if you can phase out the pathetic "jingle jingle" sound!

Fakeera is the best of the lot! And that's saying something considering the album's full of pep and vigour! Rahat Fateh Ali Khan moves away from his typical stuff to give this lilting, meaningful and racy song, with a vintage Pritam stamp all over it!

That brings us to the title song, which put me off with the very first line

"Look Look Left, Look Look Right,

Kar Le Apni, Jeans Pant Tight!"

Trite has a new meaning!! Benny Dayal is wasted in this unflattering piece, which stands out like a sore thumb in an otherwise winner from Pritam!

Lets get this straight : the music of Badmaash Company isnt of the masterpiece variety, but come on, Pritam is no ARR, and to give credit where its due, he has given us awesome (albeit "lifted" :P) stuff like Gangster, Woh Lamhe, Life in a Metro, Awaarapan, Jab We Met, Jannat and Love Aaj Kal (woah! thats some line-up!! and I didnt even consider his massier stuff like Dhoom, D2, Billu and Race!); so when we say Pritam is back in form, it does mean something! :)

Hope the film works too, at least for Shahid Kapoor's sake, coz here's one actor who needs to get his due (and who also needs to learn to smell crap(Dil Bole Hadippa, CpD) from a distance and stay away!). Btw, Anushka, though not much of an actress IMO, is looking smokin' hot in the promos :D

Rab needs to retire.Now.

As i cringed helplessly in my seat for the better part of 2.45 hrs, i cudnt believe the horror unfolding in front of me on the screen...Thr i was watching possibly THE most awaited movie frm YRF since long, and thr they were-the prime architects of the mega-project - Mr. 'I-am-the-greatest-ever' SRK and Mr. 'I-have-made-the-longest-running-film-ever-and-hence-I-rock' Aditya Chopra - botching up the film unforgivably! Day before, I had seen SRK harping in an interview abt how hs beloved "Adi" hd written the entire script in 12 days....now i kno how!

Rab Ne...is possibly one of the most gimmicky, illogical, irrational, chauvinistic and boring movies ever made...The plot is plain stupid/unbelievable, and while i can make my peace with tht, having likd a no. of David Dhawan films, the screenplay is, to put it mildly, pathetic, and the dialogues make u go "WTF" every now and then, and not for a good reason...SRK hams it up uncontrollably as Raj and makes u wanna eat ur own brains, surpassing his hamster-job in OSO by miles....to giv credit whr its due, he does try honestly and sincerely to portray a common-man character, and does succeed in a few moments...however, SRK being SRK, cant really change the way he emotes, and thts wt brings both the characters down...The new girl hs a single expression for the entire movie and u just cant undstnd wt the problem is wit her character...why does she agree to the marriage in the first place, why does she begin to lik Raj, why does she begin to like Suri, why, why, why....In fact the entire movie overflows with such why's...the girl does kno how to dance tho and she hs 'maintained' herself wel...so no complaints on tht count ;) Vinay Pathak does hs job wel altho hs character is so over-the-top u cant believ y HE hd to do the role...

but lets turn our attention now to the most crucial player in this entire melange...Mr. Rab...now, Sir, if ur reading ths frm somewhr, i urge u frm the bottom of my heart to retire....pronto...its high tim u let the humans in Adi Chopra's movies fend for themselves rathr thn banao-fying thr jodis...believ me...they dont need it....and neithr do we-the poor, hapless audience...

Turning our attention to the main culprit-Mr. Moneybanks....Aditya Chopra...i kno u lik to believe tht YOU are Rab...and the truth is, u need to retire before the original Rab (the 'uparwala pappe' as u ridiculously refer to Him in the movie!)... ur clueless as a director and very clearly stuck in a time-warp, much like Mr. Subhash Ghai, who gave us the 80s drama Yuvvraaj, and Mr. Harry Baweja, who ensured hs son wont get anothr movie by tryin to break the time-space continuum...and please-oh-please, kick ur dialogue writer for all he is worth...i wanted to kill myself whenevr i heard SRK saying in tht inimitably annoying style of hs 'Hum hain rahi pyaar ke....phir milenge chalte chalte' umpteen times in the movie...and the word Rab may soon enter the hall of fame of most used words in a worthless attempt at convenience and show-off...ditto for the ppl responsibl for the background music score...it gets so repetitive tht u start to feel somthngs wrong wit the audio...the no. of times they hv used the 'Haule haule' hook and the tune of 'Tujhme rab dikhta hai'....it drives u insane and makes u want to kill every1 responsibl for ths movie wit slow poison...

Thr r a couple of intelligent moments in the movie...especially the end credits, which r novel and interesting....and mayb the bollywood flashback song, which wud hv been a rage, hd v not seen somthng similar so recently in OSO, which btw ws light yrs ahead of Rab Ne.. in terms of intelligent humor (and sadly, stil dint manage to b path-breaking cinema, courtesy, once again, ham-star SRK!)...the placement of the song however, clearly shows the IQ level of the director...the songs r pretty good but fail to salvage the sinking ship...also, a couple of scenes r heart-warming and well-written, u thnk, but thn as soon as u begin to say to urself 'hey tht wsnt so bad....it ws pretty nice actually', the scene is stretched so much, it snaps into two, leading to the ugliest piece of acting and dialogue-delivery u cn imagine...and to make up for any sanity in the movie, u hv an array of ridiculously insane scenes, including the sumo-wrestler fight, the ILU light-up scene and the bike chase, which more thn manage to make u hang urself....

Also, the story reeks of chauvinism, and i cannot relate wit SRK trying hard to make his wife fall in love wit hs othr persona, and thn get all serious-an-emotional abt whethr she loves him or the othr 'him'...WTF dude, u startd the game and watevr she feels, ur utterly responsibl for it! m not even gonna bring up the pt of how the dumb @$$ Taani (yah...thts wt her name is!) cant distinguish between Suri and Raj, jus bcz of the outer appearance, altho they both hv similar emoting prowess...the famous monkey-expression on SRK's face is a dead, dead give-away...

This is possibly one of the biggest failures of the year, in terms of converting a good concept into a good movie, according to me...tht may not be the case for many, i kno, for, SRK enjoys an unending following...but all i wud lik to say is, Mr. Khan and Mr. Chopra, the world hs moved on....For an audience habituated to sumptuous food comprising of Rock On, A Wednesday, and even your own Bachana Ae Haseeno, and some tasty tit-bits lik Oye Lucky and Dasvidaniya, Rab Ne is lik the stale Chyawanprash tht ppl stopped eating long long long ago!

P.S.: ths movie doesnt deserv such a big review and so much of my tim...but thr r bound to b accusations of being anti-SRK(not entirely true) and promoter of realistic cinema(not at al true!), hence the detailed review :)

P.S. 2: check out http://passionforcinema.com/rab-ne-bana-di-jodi-a-question-of-answers/ hilarious :)