Note : The concept of this post was in my mind for 3 weeks, exactly the amount of time I have been in India in this trip, but this brilliant article finally triggered off the actual post.
As I stood in line for the security check at the Mumbai domestic airport, being relentlessly jostled by fellow passengers, each of who, for some reason, seemed to be in more of a hurry than the other, I couldnt help but wonder how people who could afford to buy Rs. 10000 airplane tickets managed to be so uncouth and uncultured when it came to social behavior. And then it occurred to me - I was being such a fool! I have lived in India for 23 years of my life and after only 2 years in the US, I was expecting everyone here in India to act all prim and proper, like the cultured Westerners! Wait! Did I just call the West cultured? Those beer-guzzling, porn-watching, trigger-happy yappies painted as villains and everything that's wrong with the world in Indian media? Well, yes! Coz culture in this context doesnt mean not looking your wife-to-be in the eye in front of your and her parents (when secretly you are trying to picture her in various...err...."fun" costumes) . It means respecting the fact that other individuals are human beings too!
Now before people launch an attack on me and say I have become American, an NRI, no longer fit to be called Indian etc, let me clarify. Yes, we Indians are some of the most genuinely helpful people in the world. Yes, we will ensure a stranger knows exactly how to find his/her way to a new address if they ask us. Yes, we will in general be very nice to our guests and make sure they are comfortable and happy. Yes, we will do all it takes to maintain our relations in the best way possible. But yes, we are also the same people who will never obey a line! Yes, we will try to find loopholes in everything, from tax returns to real estate laws to traffic rules, and exploit them to the maximum. Yes, we will lech and daydream and yet never admit to it. Yes, we will also guzzle beer, watch porn and secretly harbor a wish to possess a firearm just for the sake of feeling macho, and again, in true macho style, never admit to it! Not everyone falls into all of these categories, but most of us fall into at least one of these. And its not all our fault. Lets face it - life in India is a struggle. You have to fight for every little thing that forms part of your day - from the line in the milk store to the line for the bus to finding your way among hundreds of speeding vehicles while trying to cross the road to haggling with the landlord while paying your rent to arguing with the MacDonalds cashier over getting the exact change in return. There are surely many more instances where we have to make a genuine effort just to stay afloat. And its not always about the money - more often than not, its about the feeling it gives you. You dont want to admit defeat and pay 20 bucks extra to the rickshawala because that would mean feeling like a loser for the rest of the week every time you see a rickshaw. Its all in the mind and its all a struggle - all the way.
So, when faced by a demanding situation, like the one I faced at the domestic airport in Mumbai, the natural instinct is to fight and ensure you arent late for your flight, even if take-off is a good 3 hrs away. The stark contrast between the international terminal and the domestic one hit me like a ton of bricks that day. The same Indians who were acting all sophisticated at the international terminal - progressing patiently in the lines, not making loud noises, not trying to tackle the old lady in front of them, not ogling at the hot lady in the low-cut dress - those same people had now become a totally different social organism - pushing at least 3 people simultaneously to ensure their security check happens before everyone around them, elbowing the guy in front to put their bags through the scanner before his, staring deep down the cleavage of a lady who dared to wear that bold an attire to an airport, redefining what a single file means by ensuring there are at least 6 people contesting for every spot in the "single file"! The competition to survive gets to us as soon as we are in an Indian scenario. And what's worse, some of us feel proud of it! We are proud of the fact that we have enough fight to survive in a line for the Mumbai local or in a bid to find a parking spot, even if it is by cutting across someone who came before us.
I loved the "holding the door open for the person after you" example in the article, because it happens to me all the time everytime I visit India! I find myself holding the door open for the people after me and they move out without so much as a cursory glance, and worse still, dont bother holding the door for the person after them! On one occasion, my dad had to chide me to let the door go after around 10 people had walked out without bothering! And this is not about some difficult-to-understand culture, these are simple etiquette, that we Indians surprisingly lack, the moment we find ourselves in an area with majority Indians. I have seen it happen at the Bangalore bus station, I have seen it happen at the Mumbai airport and I have seen it happen at the AMC parking in Santa Clara! Our Indianness comes to the fore right away, coz you know, its survival of the fittest. Sadly, we forget that the "fittest" arent always the happiest.
To wrap up, yes, the Western culture is fake at times, yes a lot of people dont mean to know how your day has been when they ask you "How's it going?", yes they have their issues with family, but yes, they also know how to behave in public, yes they also know why cutting across you in traffic is unfair and yes they know even if they are seventh in the line, its only a matter of minutes before its their turn and jostling will only make things worse and unpleasant for everyone. We Indians are some of the most compassionate people in the world. Unfortunately, we are also probably the most ill-mannered lot. And this can change, but it will take a long time and until the seething anger for disorder, corruption and other man-made issues doesnt abate, its not going to be a reality. The start, as always, should be from ourselves. Ghar ki safai mein haath gande karne ka time aa gaya hai.
As I stood in line for the security check at the Mumbai domestic airport, being relentlessly jostled by fellow passengers, each of who, for some reason, seemed to be in more of a hurry than the other, I couldnt help but wonder how people who could afford to buy Rs. 10000 airplane tickets managed to be so uncouth and uncultured when it came to social behavior. And then it occurred to me - I was being such a fool! I have lived in India for 23 years of my life and after only 2 years in the US, I was expecting everyone here in India to act all prim and proper, like the cultured Westerners! Wait! Did I just call the West cultured? Those beer-guzzling, porn-watching, trigger-happy yappies painted as villains and everything that's wrong with the world in Indian media? Well, yes! Coz culture in this context doesnt mean not looking your wife-to-be in the eye in front of your and her parents (when secretly you are trying to picture her in various...err...."fun" costumes) . It means respecting the fact that other individuals are human beings too!
Now before people launch an attack on me and say I have become American, an NRI, no longer fit to be called Indian etc, let me clarify. Yes, we Indians are some of the most genuinely helpful people in the world. Yes, we will ensure a stranger knows exactly how to find his/her way to a new address if they ask us. Yes, we will in general be very nice to our guests and make sure they are comfortable and happy. Yes, we will do all it takes to maintain our relations in the best way possible. But yes, we are also the same people who will never obey a line! Yes, we will try to find loopholes in everything, from tax returns to real estate laws to traffic rules, and exploit them to the maximum. Yes, we will lech and daydream and yet never admit to it. Yes, we will also guzzle beer, watch porn and secretly harbor a wish to possess a firearm just for the sake of feeling macho, and again, in true macho style, never admit to it! Not everyone falls into all of these categories, but most of us fall into at least one of these. And its not all our fault. Lets face it - life in India is a struggle. You have to fight for every little thing that forms part of your day - from the line in the milk store to the line for the bus to finding your way among hundreds of speeding vehicles while trying to cross the road to haggling with the landlord while paying your rent to arguing with the MacDonalds cashier over getting the exact change in return. There are surely many more instances where we have to make a genuine effort just to stay afloat. And its not always about the money - more often than not, its about the feeling it gives you. You dont want to admit defeat and pay 20 bucks extra to the rickshawala because that would mean feeling like a loser for the rest of the week every time you see a rickshaw. Its all in the mind and its all a struggle - all the way.
So, when faced by a demanding situation, like the one I faced at the domestic airport in Mumbai, the natural instinct is to fight and ensure you arent late for your flight, even if take-off is a good 3 hrs away. The stark contrast between the international terminal and the domestic one hit me like a ton of bricks that day. The same Indians who were acting all sophisticated at the international terminal - progressing patiently in the lines, not making loud noises, not trying to tackle the old lady in front of them, not ogling at the hot lady in the low-cut dress - those same people had now become a totally different social organism - pushing at least 3 people simultaneously to ensure their security check happens before everyone around them, elbowing the guy in front to put their bags through the scanner before his, staring deep down the cleavage of a lady who dared to wear that bold an attire to an airport, redefining what a single file means by ensuring there are at least 6 people contesting for every spot in the "single file"! The competition to survive gets to us as soon as we are in an Indian scenario. And what's worse, some of us feel proud of it! We are proud of the fact that we have enough fight to survive in a line for the Mumbai local or in a bid to find a parking spot, even if it is by cutting across someone who came before us.
I loved the "holding the door open for the person after you" example in the article, because it happens to me all the time everytime I visit India! I find myself holding the door open for the people after me and they move out without so much as a cursory glance, and worse still, dont bother holding the door for the person after them! On one occasion, my dad had to chide me to let the door go after around 10 people had walked out without bothering! And this is not about some difficult-to-understand culture, these are simple etiquette, that we Indians surprisingly lack, the moment we find ourselves in an area with majority Indians. I have seen it happen at the Bangalore bus station, I have seen it happen at the Mumbai airport and I have seen it happen at the AMC parking in Santa Clara! Our Indianness comes to the fore right away, coz you know, its survival of the fittest. Sadly, we forget that the "fittest" arent always the happiest.
To wrap up, yes, the Western culture is fake at times, yes a lot of people dont mean to know how your day has been when they ask you "How's it going?", yes they have their issues with family, but yes, they also know how to behave in public, yes they also know why cutting across you in traffic is unfair and yes they know even if they are seventh in the line, its only a matter of minutes before its their turn and jostling will only make things worse and unpleasant for everyone. We Indians are some of the most compassionate people in the world. Unfortunately, we are also probably the most ill-mannered lot. And this can change, but it will take a long time and until the seething anger for disorder, corruption and other man-made issues doesnt abate, its not going to be a reality. The start, as always, should be from ourselves. Ghar ki safai mein haath gande karne ka time aa gaya hai.
11 comments:
I know this is a digression but I've just read Arundhati Roy's essay on the plight of Naxalites and it amazes me how you call all those little discomforts, waiting for change, standing in lines to be problems worth mentioning. True, weird country this, where one set of people practice Hunger Rotation and the other curse for having to stand in a line to order food worth a thousands bucks.
The Westerners, you mentioned, stand in queues and open doors for other but don't give a shit when millions of people are killed in Iraq thanks to the taxes they pay, nor do they care when they see the working conditions of the Chinese and the Mexicans who support them. Strange place, The West.
I know there are much bigger problems plaguing the nation, but I did not want to talk about issues that I havent faced myself, simply because I did not want to trivialize them. And I dont have a problem with standing in queues for food, quite the opposite! I think we are an impatient lot who will complain about every single thing that tries to introduce discipline and order and try to find a wrok around. So its not standing in line irritates, it is people who show zero respect for others standing in line and try to cut across!
@The Westerners: They are divided on most important issuea, half the country supports war, half doesnt. But it would be wrong to state they dont give a shit, because that would be generalizing.
Just to make my stand clear, I am not saying the West is better. My point is we want to ape the west in many ways, but unfortunately have not learnt patience and courtesy, fake as it maybe, from them. Hope I have put my point across better through this comment. :)
@Aditya : I just re-read both your comments. I feel you may have misunderstood the point of my post - its not about pointing out what's wrong with our country and how the west is better than us. It is only an observation by someone who has seen the same people behave much differently in a different setting, and then returning to their original behavior as soon as they are back in a familiar setting. The same people who dont litter in the US, because its uncultured and illegal, start throwing chocolate wrappers on their way out of the airport as soon as they land in India.
Sorry, I must have botched up the post pretty bad if I have to explain so much :)
Nothing wrong on your part but then maybe both of us were generalizing, something we shouldn't have had. Like I already mentioned, I had come to this after Arundhati Roy, so I guess the anger and anti-system hatred in my voice is justifiable. Its always a tough job commenting on people, culture and civilizations. you did a fair job.
The depth of your writing amazes me. Again glad to see someone talking and expressing opinions based on his own experiences than following the beliefs of a particular horde.
A question for you though.
Read this sentence in the article mentioned by you which has been lingering in my mind for quite sometime now.
It says "There is an idea that you, the individual, are the best judge of how the system should run, not the people whose system it is."
It is a bit confusing one. May be I haven't got it. Is it trying to say whatever choices we make as an individual aren't or shouldn't really be the correct ones? Shouldn't we trust our instinct and conscience? If not, following rules and traditions (however pathetic they could be) can also be justified?
Or have I generalized the sentence too much?
Hey Akash, thanks for the kind words.
@Your question : Consider this. Lets say you develop a software that requires people to register on your website before they start using it. The registration is important since you dont want the software to be misused (and by misused, I mean used to breach privacy or gain unauthorized access to other's info) and in case it is misused, you want to be able to track the culprit. So, to ensure that, you have put a foolproof registration process in place. Now, lets say one of your users backs his instincts and decides this is not how the system should be used, coz he believes since he bought the software, he has the right to figure out how and in what way to use it. Turns out this guy is a smart cookie and he finds a workaround so that he can use the software without having to register it. He is happy and he tells a few friends how to do it. Soon, he writes a blog on how to do it. Soon, it is common knowledge and your team is hard at work trying to find a fix. Meanwhile, some miscreant decides to take advantage of the situation and gains access to other users' data. There is media furore when the news breaks out, everyone is pointing their guns at you. They say, you should have built a more secure system. You argue that this isnt how it was supposed to be used, you had to register it first, but they refuse to listen to you, they say you should have ensured that nobody could break the system. You are in a fix.
Now, the guy who broke the security in the first place backed his instincts. You, the developer and owner, had made it clear that's not how the software is supposed to be used. But the smart user decided he knew better. And as a result, you are in a soup. And not just you, all the users who have lost their data, are in trouble too.
Is that a good enough example? I know it takes a lot of liberties but I am hoping the basic point is clear. :)
GOT IT!!
What an example, I must say !
A nice article indeed.
I really do not understand why people take it as a personal slur when someone says someone else possesses some better qualities. What's the point in playing castigation ping-pong game on things which cannot be compared or which cannot be logically deduced from one another?
For example, how holding open door can be compared with War?
Also, I have known you as someone who does not fear to take strong/unpopular positions. So, when you portray both sides -east and west culture-, I know you believe in both sides and you are not just trying to be politically correct.
U got a gr8 observation and the way u expressed it all apalled me.
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