A Punjabi NRI girl who bargains with Sir Jesus for every damn thing in life, ultimately bargaining for the life of someone she apparently loves immensely (while engaged to someone else, but we'll forgive her for that) in return for not loving him again ever (or as it seemed from later parts, not to sleep with him, coz you know, that's what true love is all about - sex). Dont even get me started on the lack of bottoms in her wardrobe - apparently someone told her women dont need to wear anything below the upper thighs, for that part is made of pure plastic. Incidentally, that is the same material as her face.
A wannabe, yuppie modern 21 year old missy, who makes out and breaks up with guys at will and considers that one of the achievements to list on her resume along with being a topper in every subject, being a champ at every sport, not to mention a National Level swimmer and deep-sea diver who doesnt realize the water in Ladakh lakes is cold before she dives into one for a bet as measly as her budget for clothes and almost drowns in it before being rescued by a brooding armyman who waits till she chokes under the water before pulling her out. Some National swimmer she is!
And finally, we have the hero of the movie, the kind of guy you feel bad for because he is saddled with dumb and dumber as the choices for his mate in bed. Why am I being crass, you ask? Coz that's what he wants most of the time - to do the dirty. Dont blame him though, for the plastic looks really good and National champ has a penchant for chaddis shorter than a purse and tops that will make a tank-top look like a burkha. Any man who can remember what that means will fall for that.
Which brings us to the worst enemy of the movie - the plot. The plot is so skimpy, it competes with Katrina's skirt and Anushka's IQ for brevity. Its something even Sherlyn Chopra would be wary of wearing. Or maybe not. The story is ridiculous to say the least and borrows liberally from children's stories - for instance that part about keeping your promise with God. It also makes a mockery of the Indian Army and the noble profession of bomb diffusion. The innumerable plotholes are not even worth getting into. The music looks bad on-screen, the hammy cameos by Rishi Kapoor and Neetu Singh are embarassing and saddled with unbelievable logic. The background score is remarkable and keeps you awake through the 3.5 hrs. The cinematography is breathtaking and gives the film a fresh and majestic look - something the film is quick to counter through trite dialogue and cring-worthy scenes. Katrina is a mix of John Abraham and Neil Nitin Mukesh. Anushka is a mix of Preity Zinta on coke and Zayed Khan not on coke. SRK is okay as the 25 year old Londoner (although he cant pull it off that well anymore due to age) and really good as the armyman. It was good to see him not resort to buffoonery after years! Sadly, he is screwed over by a terribly written film. The saving grace is the last song showing Yashji directing the movie. It is a delight to watch. Unfortunate that he didnt sign-off his directorial career with the evergreen and entertaining Dil To Pagal Hai. Jab Tak Hain Jaan takes whatever life was left in viewers after watching ignominies like Ra.One, Mausam and Bol Bacchan and dunks it into the freezing Leh waters. And there's no brooding armyman waiting to resuscitate you back to life.
